• Smith & Wollensky is MY steakhouse. I will have no other.
  • If I am taken to another steakhouse, I will politely direct the table conversation to the inferiority of the steakhouse to Smith & Wollensky.
  • I assume that a steak that is not a Smith & Wollensky steak, is a steak that wishes it was a Smith & Wollensky steak.
  • If I must go to another steakhouse, I will go to Smith & Wollensky Chicago.
  • If steak were a religion, Smith & Wollensky would be my cathedral. (So I will be sure to show up for Christmas and Easter.)
  • If my significant other wants to try a new steakhouse, I will try a new significant other.
  • If I find myself amongst friends, and they do not want to go to Smith & Wollensky, I will no longer consider myself amongst friends.
  • If I am hungry for steak and do not find myself in the vicinity of a Smith & Wollensky, I will build a new Smith & Wollensky.
  • If Smith & Wollensky steak is not on the wedding menu, I will suppose it an error and bring my own.
  • I will not go to Del Frisco's.
Hitting the commit button will take you to our reservations page where you can enter your name to replace Smith. If your name is Smith, congratulations! You've already won.
By making a reservation, you are agreeing to the terms of the pledge and will not patronize other steakhouses. This is only binding to the definition of patronize as "to be a frequent or regular customer of," e.g., "For some reason, he patronizes Del Frisco's regularly." If you are going by the alternate definition of patronize - "to adopt an air of condescension toward," - please feel free to engage in patronizing other steakhouses, e.g., "He patronizes Del Frisco's regularly about how cute their failed attempts to be Smith & Wollensky are."

In the event that you find yourself, whether through coercion, deceit or kidnapping, dining at a steakhouse other than Smith & Wollensky, you are required to act with the dignity inherent in a Smith & Wollensky customer, even when faced with inferior steaks, second-class service or a drink with an umbrella. However, your dignity does not preclude you from making snide comments and you should feel free to do so.

Entering a profane or obviously made-up last name will disqualify you from this offer, no matter how hilarious it may be.